Youth Workin' It

Consultancy and Resources for Youth Workers and Organizations Worldwide

How To Be A Role Model To Youth

By Leave a Comment

Role model youth
Gulp

Do as I say and not as I do.

That statement is absolute malarkey.

Your youth are watching you each and every time you see them. You’re a role model whether you want to be or not. It’s part of the territory. They’ll notice when you’re saying one thing but doing another.

And we’re all human, I get it – we all make mistakes. But living as a role model means that when you make a mistake, you also admit it and apologize if necessary.

I need to show compassion to my youth – because I expect them to show it to others.

I need to forgive – because I want them to learn to forgive others (especially me!).

I need to express my feelings honestly and appropriately – because it’s important for them to do the same.

I need to try new things, even if they scare me – because I want my youth to take leaps of faith.

I will tell you though, it’s not easy. You’re not alone.

Confession time

I used to HATE having to apologize to a group of youth when I got something wrong. As they say though, practice makes perfect, and I make a lot of mistakes. I’ve had a lot of opportunities to apologize and now, I can honestly say, I still hate it. It is easier than it used to be though, even in the midst of my ‘I hate this’ feelings.

Today I wanted to scream. One youth made me so mad… actually it was the whole group – they were just wound up. Ironically, we were learning about sharing our feelings in a prescriptive way:

‘I feel (insert feeling word here) when you (insert the other person’s action here).’

So, despite feeling really angry, I had to understand my anger and manage my actions. I had to model saying:

‘I feel (frustrated) when you (don’t listen to the instructions I’ve given you).’

Doesn’t that always seem to be the way – that what you’re working on with your youth is often just what you need the most personally?!

Sometimes my Girl Scout volunteers bail on me, or they turn up but sit there without helping, or they speak unkindly to me or one of the girls. However, the final line of the Girl Scout Law is ‘be a sister to every Girl Scout’ and we’ve been working on it as troops for over a year now. If I can’t be a sister and role model to my Girl Scout volunteers, how can I show the girls what it means to be a sister to one another?

Fear

I have literally cried in front of almost every group I’ve ever taken on a residential (youth retreat).

I really dislike climbing.

I also found I really dislike getting strapped to a racing bike and sent off on a velodrome without any brakes on the bike.

I also dislike rapelling or abseiling.

And any kind of high ropes.

I’m also not a huge fan of skiing.

Or going fast.

OK, this list is really starting to make me sound like a whiny baby! I just like what I like and I’m just not overly adventurous (unless we’re talking about water sports – I seriously love those!).

But you know what?

I’ve climbed to the top of a 60 foot climbing wall.

I’ve abseiled down off a 45 foot drop.

I’ve sort of leapt off a platform (Not one of my finer moments – scooting off on my bottom and dangling there, but I tried it nonetheless and trying is what I expect of my youth).

I’ve skied indoors and out.

I’ve been on the velodrome at Calshot seven times.

Why? Because I want my youth to push themselves a little further. I want them to try, even if they’re scared. I model that too. I cry and shake, but I do it. Even just a little bit, then I push myself one step further.

Be A Role Model

Your youth will follow your example. Your actions do speak infinitely more to them than your words (I know it’s a cliche but it’s so true!).

So try, laugh, cry, forgive, explain, apologize, comfort, discipline, love, show patience, make mistakes and be real. These are the things life is made up of and you’re putting your youth in a great position to deal with them when you’ve shown them it’s possible first.

Question: When have you had to live something out in front of your youth? How did it go? We’d love to hear about your experiences as a role model in the comments below.

You can also connect with us by:

  1. Signing up to receive our posts via email
  2. Following us on Twitter
  3. Liking us on Facebook
  4. Signing up to our RSS feed

 

What Should I Do When Youth Cheat In Games?

By 2 Comments

Youth cheating in games
Me? Cheating? Never!

Q: I’ve been working with 12-15 year olds who can’t help but cheat at every game, such as in games where players are expected to referee themselves and put themselves out when they are caught or lose.

Normally it’s not a problem when just one young person acts in such a way as the leader can deal with it. However, when a group of kids are acting in the same way the games become near impossible. I was wondering if you had any ideas on dealing with such problems?

A: This is such a great question because this is something many youth workers deal with. Often young people can be a little… shall we say…  ‘flexible’ with the truth and rules, particularly when playing games.

Some reasons why young people cheat include:

  • Wanting to be liked – They want their friends to think they’re great because they won the game or were the MVP (Most Valuable Player).
  • Being overly competitive – Young people learn a lot of things, and sometimes excessive competitiveness (or a do-anything-to-win attitude) can be modelled for youth by their parents, coaches and teachers and it becomes the only way they know how to behave when entering any kind of competition.
  • Fear of failure – Some youth *ahem, and maybe some adults too* have a serious fear of failure or being wrong, so this can cause them to act in less than honest ways to achieve what is, to them, the greater outcome of winning.
  • Poor decision making skills – Not everyone is great at weighing up the possible outcomes to their choices; youth often have a hard time thinking through the negative consequences of cheating and can only see the benefits.
  • ‘It’s just a game’ – Some young people will just think of it as just a game, rather than the more serious issue of integrity. Many youth, if you confront this behavior, will say things like ‘geez it was just a game’ or ‘we were just having a laugh’, but it’s important to take the time to turn every activity you do with youth into a teachable moment if one presents itself.

Here are four things you can try to address the issue of your youth cheating in games:

  1. Make it a group discussion – Ask the youth to discuss how they feel when someone cheats on a sport on TV (or in the case of football/soccer, when a player clearly dives and gets awarded a penalty). Draw parallels to the games that you play in your sessions. As we mentioned, they may not even think of it as a serious issue.
  2. Create and enforce consequences for poor sportsmanship and cheating – This can include removing the offending players one at a time for cheating or ending the game if the entire group is involved. It’s a shame when you have to stop the fun or end a game early, but there’s an important and transferable skill that’s taught when integrity is enforced with youth.
  3. Cancel self-regulating games for the foreseeable future – Talk honestly with the group about their behavior and share that you will be cancelling some of the games you have planned for a set amount of time, since they can’t be trusted to play honestly and fairly.
  4. Run specific youth work sessions – Run one or more sessions about sportsmanship, self-worth, decision making and integrity to drive home the importance of integrity and fair play. Use the games you play as practice in developing those skills.

When it comes to any kind of lying or cheating, I’m very firm with the youth I work with.  I give it serious weight when I talk about it, I give it serious consequences when it happens and I work very hard to model it at all times with my youth and praise them when they get it right. This may be a great opportunity to affect some real, lasting change in the behavior of your youth.

Question: Why do you think youth cheat? Do you address it when you see it? If so, what do you do to stop it? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

You can also connect with us by:

  1. Signing up to receive our posts via email
  2. Following us on Twitter
  3. Liking us on Facebook
  4. Signing up to our RSS feed

 

5 Youth Work Lessons To Learn From Waffle House

By Leave a Comment

Youth work lessons Waffle House
Yes, they really did give us Waffle House hats to wear!

My parents recently came over from the UK to visit, so while they were here we did a tour-de-food. There are loads of restaurants in the US they don’t have the other side of the Atlantic, so some places we went to included The Melting Pot (fondue), Golden Corral (buffet with anything and everything), Coldstone Creamery (best ice-cream ever) and Waffle House.

Yes. Waffle House.

For any non-Americans who don’t know what this, let’s just say it doesn’t really have the greatest of reputations as an eatery (n.b. fellow Brits – think of it as a national chain of greasy spoon cafes).

The funny thing is, my parents had a great experience at Waffle House and the things that made it great for them are principles we can equally apply to our youth work or youth ministry.

Lesson 1 – Make Room

When we got there, we were welcomed warmly by two or three workers but as it was so busy, they didn’t have a booth available for 4 people. Instead of them just saying we’d have to eat at the counter, the manager offered to move things around to make room for 4 people to sit together. We told him we were happy with eating at the counter, but appreciated that he was willing to make the effort anyway.

Being honest, do we go to this much effort for new youth who join our programs? Do they get welcomed warmly? Do we do what we need to make sure that they’re comfortable, even if it disrupts our routine and plans?

Lesson 2 – Communicate

Waffle House make their food fresh and many menu items can be customized. Once the server’s taken your order, they stand at the edge of the kitchen and call out your order to the cook, who then replies back the same order to the server to make sure they got it correct.

Communication is vitally important in any organization, but especially so when young people are involved. We need to ensure our communication with youth, volunteers, supervisors and any other stakeholders is clear and that communication is two-way.

Lesson 3 – Integrity

Waffle House has an open kitchen, so you and everyone else in the restaurant can see the food being made. The cooks therefore have to be aware of their behavior at all times, so they can’t be picking their nose, sneezing over food or dropping food on the floor and serving it up.

As youth workers, our lives are on display to our young people. Does our behavior live up to the example we want to set for them – both when they’re looking and even when they’re not?

Lesson 4 – Accepting

When I ordered hash browns topped with chilli, onions and ham for breakfast, the waitress didn’t even raise an eyebrow (like I’m sure you are reading this 😉 ) She could easily have made a comment about my breakfast choice, but wasn’t judgmental.

In our youth work, young people will do all kinds of weird and wonderful (and not so wonderful) things. Do we say or do things that show that we’re judging them negatively? Do we expect them to Behave, Believe, Belong, or are we happy for them to Belong, Believe, Behave?

Lesson 5 – Unity

When the servers realized that 3/4 of us were British, they couldn’t stop talking to us. They loved that we were different to their usual customers – it was the differences that made us interesting.

We should let our differences unite us with youth, not divide. It can be easy to look down on various aspects of youth culture and youth behavior that make no sense to us. Instead, we can use these differences to show young people that we care and are interested in their lives and well-being. That their uniqueness is a positive thing.

Who knew there was so much to learn at a Waffle House?!

Question: Which of these 5 lessons do you think is the most important one in youth work? Share your opinion in the comments below.

You can also connect with us by:

  1. Signing up to receive our posts via email
  2. Following us on Twitter
  3. Liking us on Facebook
  4. Signing up to our RSS feed

 

3 Reasons To Work Hard – Even If No One Else Is

By Leave a Comment

Hardworking or Lazy - youth workIt can be really frustrating when you’re trying to run a youth work program and you can’t seem to get anything done. Especially when it feels like (or actually is) because others around you aren’t doing their share.

And I know that not everyone thinks the same way, works the same way or manages their time in the same way. Not everyone loves spreadsheets or gets a particular sense of excitement and satisfaction from creating a clear and useful youth behavior policy. That doesn’t make it any less frustrating when I’ve done my part, turned up on time and sometimes put literal blood, sweat and tears into a youth work project.

It’s easy to be tempted to slack off. To hang around longer chatting to co-workers, to sneak onto Facebook to turn up five minutes late and leave five minutes early each day. Everyone else seems to and no one seems to care or notice… so “when in Rome”, right?

Wrong.

Besides the fact that people are watching – trust me, someone, somewhere, sometime is watching – working, or not working, reflects on you and your integrity. What do you do when you think no one is watching? Working with integrity can be frustrating and some days downright depressing, especially when it feels like no one is seeing the good work you’re doing.

However, there are three reasons to work hard, even when no one is looking:

  1. You get a great reputation. By working hard and staying busy (and not just looking like you’re busy), you’ll cultivate a reputation as someone others can turn to to get a job done. When everyone else seems unable to move a youth work program forward, you become the person that can make it happen.
  2. You get a great program. Your program will run more smoothly since you take the time to plan, create excellent material for delivery and monitor and evaluate your practice and program. This makes you a better worker and makes your program shine compared to others who deliver the bare minimum, in the shortest amount of time with the least amount of thought and effort possible.
  3. You get freedom. This may not be the case 100% of the time, but more often than not supervisors and managers are more willing to give you more freedom in your work, time off when you ask and more responsibility and ownership over your program. When your manager sees that you can be trusted when you’re only working for ‘yourself’, they’re more likely to trust you when you’re working ‘for them’.

Warning: You will most likely end up with haters. People who want to highlight mistakes you do or make you feel bad for working hard. For being a ‘goody-goody’ or ‘suck-up’. Yes, even adults seem to have these feelings.

The best advice for that is ‘haters gonna hate’ so just keep going. Do your thing and do it well. It will be worth the effort in the end.

Question: Have you ever felt like you’re working hard while everyone else isn’t? What did you do? What advice do you have for other youth workers in that position? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

You can also connect with us by:

  1. Signing up to receive our posts via email
  2. Following us on Twitter
  3. Liking us on Facebook
  4. Signing up to our RSS feed

 

Integrity – Youth Work Session Plan Idea

By Leave a Comment

Integrity youth work session planThis youth work session plan on integrity is easy and versatile. You can cover many different topics about youth’s personal and social development and simply change out the film.

Don’t get lazy and do it all the time, but every so often a good film with a strong message can help youth, particularly those struggling with an issue. The key is in the questioning and follow-up after the film.

For a session about integrity, I’d recommend Forever Strong. It has a good IMDB rating and a strong message of good sportsmanship, brotherhood and integrity. It does have some faith-based overtones but they aren’t the main focus of the film. The primary message is to make good choices and own up to bad ones in order to be strong in life.

While this session could be done as a large group activity or movie night – and girls certainly aren’t exempt from enjoying it or learning lessons from it – it might be most effective among a small group of young men. Spend time together doing an activity everyone can enjoy, watch the film and then explore the themes of the film.

Here are some sample questions from Forever Strong you might try or make up some of your own:

  1. What does integrity mean?
  2. Is it important? Why or why not?
  3. Which character did you most identify with? Why?
  4. Which character did you like the least? Why?
  5. Have you experienced any of the situations represented in the film? With this question, use discretion and make it a safe space for sharing any problems, issues and experiences without judgement or fear of retribution – except in child protection confidentiality matters)
    • Is your dad hard on you?
    • Have you spent time in juvenile detention?
    • Have you been under the influence when driving?
    • Have you spent time volunteering?
    • Have you been a part of a team like the Razorbacks?
    • Have you been a part of a team like Highland?
    • Have you had a coach like Rick’s dad?
    • Have you had a friend or close family member die?

Take the time to listen to any issues raised by the group; everyone may not get the same feelings. Allow the group time to discuss and debate any feelings or experiences that arise from watching the film.

Question: What movies and topics can you recommend? Please share your ideas in the comments below.

You can also connect with us by:

  1. Signing up to receive our posts via email
  2. Following us on Twitter
  3. Liking us on Facebook
  4. Signing up to our RSS feed