• Home
  • About Us
    • Our Mission and Vision
    • The Youth Workin’ It Team
      • Shae Pepper, Managing Director
      • Stephen Pepper, Operations Director
    • Recommendations for the Youth Workin’ It Team
  • Youth Work Resources
    • How To Plan A Youth Retreat Book
    • 52 Scavenger Hunt Ideas
  • Contact Us

Youth Workin' It

Consultancy and Resources for Youth Workers and Organizations Worldwide

  • Youth Group Games
  • Session Plans
  • Fundraisers
  • Youth Retreats
  • Life Skills
  • Interview Skills
  • Scavenger Hunts
  • Would You Rather Questions
  • Program Administration
  • Policies & Procedures
  • Youth Participation
  • Group Agreement

How To Manage Youth Behavior

May 2, 2012 By Shae Pepper Leave a Comment

How to manage behavior in your youth group
Make sure there’s nothing foggy about your behavior management

Knowing how to manage youth behavior in your youth group is an important part of program administration. A group agreement outlines the expectations for the group and helps you manage youth behavior within the program (see yesterday’s post for more information on what a group agreement is).

Enforcing a group agreement usually happens within the group itself. The youth help create the expectations for the group and you help create the expectations for enforcement. When creating the group agreement, ensure the youth know that they’re responsible for helping each other follow it.

Unfortunately, positive peer pressure isn’t always enough. If you consistently have one or more young people who are struggling to follow the expectations of the group as set out by the group agreement, as the program leader you may need to have other ways to manage youth behavior. While each youth is different and therefore the exact particulars of their behavior management may be different, it’s important that youth know the overall boundaries and basic processes you’ll use when correcting unacceptable behavior.

Creating a behavior policy is an important step to manage youth behavior that often gets forgotten in youth work program administration. This can be particularly true within youth ministry and other faith-based programming, where the emphasis in interactions often focuses on giving second chances, forgiveness, grace and mercy.

That’s not meant as a criticism for those programs – those are important parts to any good youth work, not just faith-based programs. Sometimes for the safety, enjoyment and progress of the rest of the group though, there needs to be a clear understanding of ‘how far is too far’ and what will happen as a result of their actions.

A youth behavior policy should be based on your organization’s wider policies and procedures. Some programs may not allow smoking of any kind, so you should include that as a zero-tolerance item on your group agreement. Within your youth behavior policy, you’d then identify what happens when zero-tolerance behaviors occur and what the consequences will be.

Using a behavior policy as part of your program administration doesn’t have to be this oppressive, draconian thing that encourages youth to fear you. Transparency in the process of managing youth behavior, with both the group agreement and your program’s behavior policy, is the key to creating boundaries without fear or resentment.

Here are three things to remember when using a youth behavior policy and how transparency in the process will help your program administration:

  1. Write it down – Everyone has a bad day. And when the same youth does the same thing for the 15th time, it can be easy to give a consequence that is disproportionate to the unacceptable behavior. By writing the policy down, it will help keep you on track – even on rough days – and provides security within the group by facilitating trust. They will understand that you won’t create new expectations on a whim, that you will do what you say you’re going to do and they will be be able to see it because it’s there in black and white.
  2. Get signatures – Have both the youth AND their parents sign that they have read and understand the youth behavior policy at the start of the program. You can provide a copy of your written policy for them to keep when you give them their permission slips or entry forms for participation. Make sure that everyone has a good chance of understanding your policy by using appropriate language and phrasing. By getting signatures, you create accountability within the group. They won’t be able to say ‘I didn’t know that’ or ‘You never said that’. This helps make sure everyone is on the same page from the start.
  3. Follow It – There’s no point in writing down a policy and getting everyone to agree to it if you don’t follow what it says. As I mentioned earlier, their uniqueness means you’ll sometimes need different methods for helping to manage youth behavior during the session. Following your policy creates fairness within the group. By following your policy fairly and consistently, you’ll help your youth see that you don’t play favorites or discriminate. Everyone recieves the same treatment.

Tomorrow, we’ll be providing a youth work session plan idea on how to create a group agreement with your youth. Next Wednesday, we’ll provide a guide on how to create a youth behavior policy and provide you with an example policy.

Question: What do you think about creating a behavior policy for your youth program? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

You can also connect with us by:

  1. Signing up to receive our posts via email
  2. Following us on Twitter
  3. Liking us on Facebook
  4. Signing up to our RSS feed

 

The Storming Stage Of Group Development In Youth Work

March 14, 2012 By Shae Pepper Leave a Comment

Storming stage of group development
This is what happens when you poke the bear (and not in a Facebook kind of way)

Carrying on the series covering Tuckman’s theory of group development, we are now to the Storming Stage of group development as identified by Tuckman and Jensen (1977).

I would call this the stage where young people attempt to poke the bear. They question leadership and authority, look for clear direction and identified team roles and share opinions that may be conflicting.

Peter Barnes (2002:43) says some of the following things should be expected during the Storming stage of group development:

  • Opinions may become sharply divided
  • Leadership’s authority is questioned and/or challenged
  • Arguments become the primary method for communication
  • Several leaders will attempt to control the group

If you tried some of our suggestions during the Forming stage, you may find that your youth’s time in the Storming stage of youth group development isn’t as challenging as it might have been.

Each group is different though and the best plans don’t always happen the way you’d like in youth work. Here are a few suggestions to try during the Storming stage of group development that may help your youth move through to the next stage:

  • Take the time to encourage and explore differing opinions within the group. Use the group agreement you created earlier to provide the necessary boundaries for the discussion.
  • Be prepared to hand over some, most, or all of the leadership roles depending on the age, maturity and responsibilities of your youth by teaching them about the ladder of participation.
  • Encourage dialogue between group members and allow time and space when discussions get heated. Don’t force youth who are getting progressively more angry or aggressive to remain in the same room. Find activities for them to do in other areas, give a break time or allow a youth to step out of the room to get some air.
  • Identify the group’s strengths and weaknesses and assign team roles. Take the time to identify everyone’s strengths and have the group take part in the decision process when choosing a leader. If you have a youth who has leadership qualities but also has some serious areas of weakness like aggression management issues, find ways to encourage them to take another role within the team. This will ensure that the leader chosen is the best choice for the group, not just the most liked, most decisive or the most feared.

We will be talking more about team roles, group agreements and finding out about the learning styles and intelligences of your youth group in the coming weeks, so check back for more information on these topics.

The Storming Stage of group development in youth work can be a challenging period, but if you take the time to put the supportive measures in place during the Forming Stage, you’ll find it runs more smoothly than if you just ‘let nature take its course.’

Provide boundaries and a safe space for the disagreements that are likely to happen. Don’t be surprised or disappointed. Disagreements will happen. Remember that they are necessary for creating a more trusting, cohesive group that begins to work well together in the Norming Stage of Group Development, which we will discuss in detail next week.

Question: What stories do you have from the Storming Stage of your work with youth? Please share them in the comments below.

You can also connect with us by:

  1. Signing up to receive our posts via email
  2. Following us on Twitter
  3. Liking us on Facebook
  4. Signing up to our RSS feed

 

The Forming Stage Of Group Development In Youth Work

March 7, 2012 By Shae Pepper 4 Comments

Forming stage of group developmentWe’re currently exploring the five stages of group development as identified by Tuckman and Jensen (1977). Today, we’re looking at the Forming Stage – a time when the group gets to know one another, tests the boundaries (both within the rules and with the leadership) and becomes more dependent on one another.

Peter Barnes (2002:43) gives examples of what can be expected during the forming stage:

  • Considerable anxiety
  • Questions about the appropriateness of behavior
  • Polite communication
  • Minimal productivity

Here are some ways you can provide the support necessary to help your youth group move from the forming stage of group development towards more productive phases:

  • Give clear expectations – By going through your youth group’s hopes and fears, as well as clearly laying out the basics of what the group can expect from you and the youth work program, you will be able to help quell a lot of potential anxiety in the forming stage of group development
  • Identify ground rules through a group agreement – Take time and have the group identify what are some acceptable and unacceptable behaviors for their group
  • Provide a safe place for opposing opinions – This is also identified in the expectations and group agreement, but youth will feel more safe to move beyond ‘polite’ to ‘real’ when they know the boundaries for their views. By allowing youth to express their views in the forming stage of group development – even if they aren’t positive or mainstream – this will allow you to contradict incorrect information that young people may have internalized
  • Provide tasks that build confidence, understanding of team dynamics, roles and abilities – Take the time for team building activities and teach the group about team roles. You can also help them identify their learning styles and their individual intelligences. These activities will provide time for your team to bond during the forming stage and will develop relational capital that they can draw on when they begin to feel tension in the next stage

Doing all of these basic steps early on in the forming stage of group development will help lay the ground work for the next stage which we will explore next week: the Storming stage.

Question: What stories do you have from the forming stage of your youth group? Let us know in the comments below.

You can also connect with us by:

  1. Signing up to receive our posts via email
  2. Following us on Twitter
  3. Liking us on Facebook
  4. Signing up to our RSS feed

 

Expect The Unexpected – And The Embarrassing

February 24, 2012 By Stephen Pepper 2 Comments

I was sat in the bar at the hotel, watching myself on TV. And then it happened.

They left it in?! It wasn’t edited out????

A couple of months before, I’d been a contestant on The Weakest Link. They filmed two or three episodes a day, with them being broadcast a few months later.

I was away on business the day my episode was shown, so I was sat with a colleague in the hotel bar watching expectantly. In case you’re not familiar with the show, the presenter Anne Robinson gives every contestant a hard time, trying to push their buttons to either make them embarrassed or mad.

I went in prepared – or so I thought. Shae and I met on the P.O.D. message boards back in 2003, so I was expecting Anne to grill me about meeting my wife online, as it was before sites like Match.com had taken off. I was all prepared for questions like, “So, did she turn out to be a bow-legged, cross-eyed, sweaty 500 lb man instead of the 23 year old beauty in the photos?” I should be so lucky to get a question like that.

What did she ask me – and what actually got broadcast at 6pm on BBC2 to millions of people in the UK?

“How would you rate the first time with your wife out of 10?”

Yeah, I wasn’t expecting that either!

When working with youth, we have to expect the unexpected – and the embarrassing. Youth – like Anne Robinson – have an uncanny ability to ask questions that can leave you flustered if you’ve not given any thought on how to answer them.

OK, so if they ask you to rate your first time with your husband or wife, it’s obviously fine to explain that it’s not appropriate to discuss that kind of thing with them – it’s important for youth workers to have boundaries. Other questions aren’t so easy to deflect though:

  • Have you ever smoked?
  • Have you ever got drunk?
  • Have you ever done drugs?
  • Did you have sex before marriage?
  • Have you ever watched porn?
  • Have you ever stolen anything?
  • Have you ever been in a fight?

These are all questions that could easily crop up, so it’s important to consider now how you’d answer them. Young people aren’t dumb – if they ask you a question like these and you reply “Erm…..er…….did you see X Factor last night?”, they’ll know the answer is yes.

Be honest

Youth are more likely to respect what you have to say if you’re real and honest with them. If they ask whether you’ve done drugs and you have, tell them so. You don’t have to glamorize it – the fact that you’ve had this experience can help you guide them away from taking drugs. As you’ve had first-hand experience of taking drugs, you can explain the negative effects with far more authority than others would be able to.

Make it personal

It might feel uncomfortable, but make your experiences personal. Instead of just saying that you stole from your parents, explain the impact and what natural and logical consequences this had – how it took ages to gain back their trust, the punishment you received.

Young people – and adults – often do things without thinking through the consequences. Having these spelled out can help crystallize the reality of what their actions may lead to.

Don’t judge

If a young person asks you a tricky question like those listed above, I can almost guarantee they’ve either done it themselves or are seriously thinking about doing it – that’s why they’re asking. If your answers to the above questions are no, try not to appear judgmental when answering their question.

If they want to know if you had sex before marriage and you reply, “Of course not”, chances are the young person will clam up. You don’t necessarily know what they’ve been through – what happens if they’d been sexually abused and they’d been about to open up about it? Your answer would probably mean they wouldn’t feel safe disclosing the abuse to you, in case you judged them.

So make like a Scout and Be Prepared! Think back through your past to anything that would make you flustered if asked. Work out an honest answer to give if youth ever ask about the situation and how you can use your experience to guide them into making positive choices.

Question: Have you ever had an embarrassing situation like this? How did you deal with it? Let us know in the comments below.

You can also connect with us by:

  1. Signing up to receive our posts via email
  2. Following us on Twitter
  3. Liking us on Facebook
  4. Signing up to our RSS feed

p.s. I’m sure you’re wondering what my reply was to Anne Robinson. I think it was something along the lines of “Um…..er……du……em…….I…..um……..y……..well…….erm…..th………”

 

You Gave Your Teens What?!

September 9, 2011 By Shae Pepper 15 Comments

Cellphone youth workControversial topic (or more likely, never gave it a second thought topic) for youth workers……

Is it a good idea to give out your personal cell phone to young people?

It’s very common to give out your personal number, particularly among youth pastors here in the US. But does that make it okay? Is it PCness and ‘professional distance’ being taken too far or is just good sense?

Here are two reasons why it’s a better idea to use a work cell number instead of your personal cell:

  1. It offers protection for you – Most young people wouldn’t think of alleging anything inappropriate. However, by allowing young people to have your personal cell phone number and to text with them on it, you’re opening yourself up to possible allegations, or at the very least, misinterpretations by the teens in your programs.
  2. It offers protection for young people – Most youth workers wouldn’t think of trying anything inappropriate (I wish it were all, but I’m not that naive and I hope you aren’t either). However, there can be a lot less room for inappropriate jokes, boundary crossing and issues when you know that you’re accountable and that your employer can check your work call/text records at any time. Your goal as a youth worker should always be about protecting youth and having a boundary like a work number is one small way you can achieve this.
“It takes many good deeds to build a good reputation, and only one bad one to lose it” – Benjamin Franklin

Question: What are your thoughts about giving out your personal cell number? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

You can also connect with us by:

  1. Signing up to receive our posts via email
  2. Following us on Twitter
  3. Liking us on Facebook
  4. Signing up to our RSS feed

 

« Previous Page

501 Would You Rather Questions

501 Would You Rather Questions

52 Scavenger Hunt Ideas

52 Scavenger Hunt Ideas cover

How To Plan A Youth Retreat

How To Plan A Youth Retreat cover

Categories

Best Of Youth Workin' It
Book Reviews
Guest Post
Spotlight on Youth
Types Of Youth Work
Would You Rather Questions
Youth & Society
Youth Group Activities
Youth Group Fundraiser
Youth Group Games
Youth Retreat
Youth Work Program Administration
Youth Work Q & A
Youth Work Session Plan Ideas
Youth Worker Stuff
Youth Workin' It Stuff

Tags

Administration Balloons Boundaries Budget Christmas Communication Facebook Food Food Games Global Issues Global Youth Work Goal Setting Group Development Group Games Guest Posts Interview Skills Life Skills Parents Planning Policies and Procedures Relationships Relay Games For Teenagers Scavenger Hunt Ideas School Self-Esteem SMART Social Media Strategic Planning Team Building Twitter Up Front Games Volunteering Volunteers Water Games For Youth Would You Rather Youth Behavior Youth Cartel Youth Group Bonding Youth Participation Youth Retreat Center Youth Retreat Themes Youth Scavenger Hunt Youth Work Definition Youth Work Resources Youth Work Training

Search Youth Workin’ It

All Content © Copyright 2011-2025, Stephen & Shae Pepper, youthworkinit.com