Relationships - Page 2 of 3 - Youth Workin' It

Family Movie Night And Communication Session

July 12, 2012 By Shae Pepper Leave a Comment

We’ve previously talked about how you, as a youth worker, can foster relationship between the youth you work with and their parents.

One way to do this is by holding a family movie night followed by a communication session between parents and their youth. There are many movies that might work depending on what you’re trying to achieve through the session. However, for this post I’m going to recommend you start with ‘Being Elmo: A Puppeteer’s Journey’ which is about Kevin Clash – the voice and puppeteer of Elmo from Seasame Street.

Despite the film being about puppets – and a 3 1/2 year old puppet at that – it’s not a film designed for small children. It’s a documentary about Kevin’s early life and the experiences that led him to be a part of one of the most loved and critically-acclaimed children’s shows of all time.

It shares how Kevin grew up with very supportive parents, along with the dreams he accomplished as a result of those early beginnings. It also shares about the other adults in Kevin’s life who took chances on his dreams and gave him the tools and the connections he needed to achieve his goal of being a Muppeteer on Seasame Street.

Use this movie to foster communication between the youth and their parents about their goals and dreams and how they feel their relationship is developing. It may be challenging for some parents and their children to open up, so make sure you that you’re on hand to help facilitate any quiet parent/youth pairs.

Before The Session

Make sure you effectively communicate the details of the event to your parents and youth with enough time for them to participate
Check if you need to get a movie license before showing the film or order the Educational DVD which includes an audience license
Decide if you want to provide food (including what type) and/or if you’d like to also have this meal be a fundraising opportunity for your youth work program.

At The Session

Eat (if applicable)
Watch the film
Break out into parent and youth pairs for a time of discussion about the film. You may want to provide communication information and activities before starting the session to get everyone more comfortable with the process of communicating, as this may be new for some parents and youth.
You and your volunteers should move around the room and help facilitate discussions between parents and youth. Don’t jump in and answer on their behalf, but help ask further questions if a pair is feeling stuck.
Encourage both youth and parents to be really honest with themselves and each other about their behavior and their feelings. This will only work if everyone is willing to check their ego at the door to discuss some hard truths about how they behave and interact with each other.

Possible Discussion Questions

(P) Questions to parents posed by you or the youth (Y) Questions to youth posed by you or their parents

(P) Kevin cut up his father’s coat for his first puppet. How do you feel you would have responded? (Y) How do you feel your parents would have responded? (Both) If your answer was different from your parent’s/child’s, what examples do you have that back up these feelings?
(Y) What is one thing that you feel as passionately about as Kevin did about pupeteering? (P) What is one thing you see that your child has a talent for?
(Y) What is one thing you’ve tried to do to make that dream a reality? (P) Kevin’s mom picked up the phone and called Kermitt Love for Kevin. What is one thing you have done or can do to help your child make their dream a reality?
(P) Kevin missed out on a lot of his own child’s life while ‘Being Elmo’. Do you feel you are spending enough time with your youth while they are still at home? How would you feel if your child wrote you a letter like Kevin’s did? (Y) If you could write a letter to your parents about how much time they spend with you, what would it say? Do you feel like you get enough time (or got enough when you were younger) with your parent(s)? (Both) If your answer was ‘no’, what is one thing that you can do to spend more time together?
(Y) Which adults can you identify as dream squishers and dream enablers in your life? Which of these categories do you think your parent(s) fall into and why? (P) How do you feel about being identified as a dream squisher or enabler? What is one thing you can do to keep improving your enabling or reducing your squishing tendancies?
(Both) What is one thing you will remember most about this film and this evening and why?

Question: What do you think of holding parent and youth communication sessions? Have you done it before? Were they successful – why or why not? We’d love to hear about your experiences in the comments below.

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How To Explore Natural And Logical Consequences

June 28, 2012 By Stephen Pepper Leave a Comment

Young people can sometimes find it hard to consider (or don’t care about) the consequences of their actions, which results in them making choices that have a negative impact on themselves or others.

This week’s youth work session plan is designed to help youth explore the natural and logical consequences that result from a variety of different behaviors. By having your young people consider consequences, they’ll be better placed to make informed decisions and make better choices in the future.

What are natural and logical consequences?

Natural consequences are those that happen naturally and aren’t imposed by anybody else. Logical consequences are those that happen as a result of a choice that they’ve made and which are imposed by somebody else.

To give an example of the difference between natural and logical consequences, take the situation of a young person who sometimes babysits in the evening. If they had arranged to babysit one night and didn’t show up, a natural consequence is that they wouldn’t earn any money that night, while a logical consequence could be that the family wouldn’t ask them to babysit for them again as they think they’re unreliable.

Scenarios To Explore

For your youth work session, we’ve provided a list of different scenarios below. Have your young people consider each of these scenarios and work out both the natural and logical consequences they might encounter. Think through the issues and pressures that your young people face and add extra scenarios to the list that you think might be relevant to their lives:

Going out without a coat and it starts raining
Smoking
Not eating fruits and vegetables
Texting while driving
Doing drugs
Not doing homework
Insulting someone on Facebook
Having sex without a condom
Bullying someone
Not tidying your bedroom
Not showing up to work
Stealing from a store
Stealing from a friend
Stealing from parents
Eating too much candy
Not exercising
Watching porn
Gossiping about friends
Getting in a fight at school
Getting in a fight outside of school
Not doing chores
Cheating on an exam

Consequences From Different People

Depending on the scenario, they may receive logical consequences from different people. For example, if they don’t do their homework it’s unlikely they’ll receive a logical consequence from their friends, but they might get a detention from their teacher or be grounded by their parents.

Explore these different kinds of consequences and which ones they feel have more impact on their actions.

Consequences For Other People

The behavior of young people will often not only affect themselves, but others as well. When going through the scenarios, have them also consider the impact on the following people:

Friends
Parents
Siblings
Teachers
Employer
Members of the public

This can help them to consider their actions in a different way than if the focus is purely on themselves. For example, getting young people who smoke to consider the impact it has on a younger brother or sister could lead them into re-evaluating their actions. Even though they know smoking is harmful, they often don’t care about their own health. Young people can be loyal and staunch defenders of their younger siblings though, so getting them to stop and think about how their example could encourage their brother or sister to smoke could have more impact.

Ways To Explore Consequences

This session could be hard-going for your youth, so try to explore the different scenarios and their natural and logical consequences in some of these different ways:

Discuss as one large group
Discuss in smaller groups
Have young people call out their ideas for you to write on a flipchart
Provide the youth with sticky notes to write their ideas on, with them then sticking the notes on a flipchart
Provide the youth with a worksheet that has a table listing scenarios and spaces for them to write their thoughts on natural and logical consequences

This session plan could prove to be uncomfortable for your young people, especially if they’re not used to having consequences for their actions. It’s therefore important for the session to not be an exercise in being judgmental against their behaviors, but about equipping them to make positive decisions for the future.

Question: How would you explore natural and logical consequences with your young people? We’d love to hear your suggestions in the comments below.

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Sex and Relationships – Youth Work Session Plan Idea

May 24, 2012 By Shae Pepper 2 Comments

Edit: Since publishing this post, it looks like the resources we’ve referred to are no longer available on the Romance Academy website, so we’ve removed the links. Sorry that this means that the session idea isn’t as helpful as it once was.

Normally on a Thursday we provide a session plan idea for your youth work.

However, sometimes someone else is doing something so amazingly well, why not share the good work they’re already doing. We’ve mentioned Romance Academy before in a previous session plan idea about talking to teenagers about sex.

The Romance Academy is based in the UK. It’s a 12-week program based on biblical principles, but isn’t Christian in its delivery or content. Here is ~~what makes it distinct~~ from other youth sexual health programs like The Silver Ring Thing.

The Romance Academy has a ~~downloadable session plan resource~~ which introduces you to the Romance Academy program, but also provides a great resource for looking at sex and relationships with young people. If you’re in the UK, check out ~~their academies~~. If you’re around the world, get in touch with The Romance Academy and try to create some demand for their fantastic services worldwide!

You can also check out their blog for information about teenage sexual health issues and conversation starters with your youth. They recently did a ~~five-post series~~ that was really interesting and informative, even without knowing which TV show it is.

Questions: Have you run a Romance Academy at your program? How did it go? Would you recommend it to others? If you’ve never done a Romance Academy, what other ways do you recommend for creating a session plan about sex and relationships?

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Restoration And Forgiveness – Youth Work Session Plan Idea

March 29, 2012 By Shae Pepper Leave a Comment

In the past, we’ve provided youth work session plan ideas to help young people understand their anger and manage their aggression. One idea was to use the vicious circle as a method for exploring the cycle that anger can lead to.

Unforgiveness and vengeance, which can accompany anger, are two other choices that can be cyclical. They can eat away at someone and cause a chain reaction of events that lead to more heart ache and pain. When covering anger, it’s therefore a good opportunity to talk about hatred, bitterness, vengeance and unforgiveness, as these can be root causes of ongoing angry feelings and aggressive behavior.

Take some time to show this clip from the film The Interpreter. It didn’t come out yesterday, so there’s a good chance your youth won’t have seen it. After you watch the clip, take some time to answer the questions below in small groups. This activity can be stand alone, as part of a wider session about anger or aggression or can be a great introduction to a longer talk or sermon on the subject.

Discussion Questions:

What does forgiveness mean to you?
Is it important? Why or why not?
What do you think about the method described in the clip for finding freedom from anger or hatred?
Do you think it works as a principle for society? Should those that do wrong go unpunished? What ideas/solutions can you think of?
Is there anyone you need to forgive? Do you want to forgive them and restore that relationship? Why or why not?
What do you think of the quote below, in light of our discussion and the video clip? What does it mean? Do you think it’s true? Why or why not?

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” – Lewis B. Smedes

If you’ve found this idea helpful, you might also like our other youth work session plan ideas.

Question: How would you use this session plan idea with your youth? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

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Over-involved Parents – Youth Work Q & A

March 13, 2012 By Shae Pepper Leave a Comment

Q: I have this parent who’s way too involved in my youth work. I like that they’re supportive, but enough is enough! They stop by unannounced, want to be at every event and seem kind of co-dependent with their youth – it’s like they can’t be apart from them. I want supportive parents and appreciate the help they provide at some of my programs, but seriously – it’s time to “cut the apron strings.” But I can’t tell them this, so what can I do?!

A: Just like unsupportive parents, there is most likely a reason for over-involved parents or ones who are too supportive. Here are some possible reasons:

Their parents weren’t supportive of them and they’ve vowed to do things differently with their own teen
They had over-supportive parents themselves and they haven’t had anything different modeled for them – it’s all they know
They might be freaking out that their youth is becoming older and more independent, so are concerned that their child might not be ready for it. They therefore over-compensate to feel involved and/or needed in the life of their youth
You may be new, so they feel anxious about the change in leadership

There are many possibilities – too many to name really – because each parent is going to have their own unique life experience on which to base their behavior towards their youth.

Some dos and don’ts when dealing with over-involved parents:

Do find out if it bothers the youth – It may be bothering you because you’re outside the situation and have a wider view of the dynamics between parent and child, but that doesn’t mean that it’s bothering the teen. Some youth like how close they are to their parents, they might not be as independent as their peers or they may enjoy having their parents around to do things for and/or with them.

Don’t frame it as a negative and bash their mom or dad – i.e. Don’t say ‘So your mom/dad is always here, don’t they give you any space?’ You can find out this information in a non-threatening, positive way by putting your questions to them as a positive and gauging their response. Something like ‘You’re really fortunate your mom/dad cares so much about you and supports your interests and activities’. You will be able to tell how they feel about their parents’ involvement by their response.

If it doesn’t bother the youth…

Do ask yourself why it’s bothering you – Check your own feelings and attitudes first about their over-involved parents, rather than project those onto their teen. Are they genuinely interfering in your programs? If so, consider having a word with them directly or with your supervisor.

Don’t miss opportunities to have extra help just because you feel they are over-involved – If they’re not interfering with your programs, are simply more involved then other parents and it’s not bothering their child, find ways to involve them so they can give their support in a more constructive way that’s helpful for you.

If it does bother the youth…

Do encourage them to talk to their parents directly – You can offer to facilitate the conversation if you think it’s necessary. You can practice ways to approach the subject so the youth feels prepared and the parents don’t end up with hurt feelings.

Don’t join them in complaining about their parents – As I mentioned above, be supportive of the relationship between the youth and their parent, even if it isn’t an ideal situation. Find ways to be positive about their over-involved parents. This is especially important if you don’t feel their parent is over-involved, but the youth does. Help them empathize with the feelings their mom or dad may be having. Identify the positive aspects of so much love, care and attention from their parents.

Some parents are just going to be over-involved. They’re going to ask a million questions, be the first to pick up their child and the last one waving the bus goodbye for that youth retreat. They’re going to drop in unannounced, want to have meetings with you about their child and call or stop by to talk with you regularly.

You can try to manage some of the behaviors of over-involved parents in the following ways:

Have clear boundaries – Let them expect when you will and won’t be able to talk either on the phone or in person. Encourage them to set appointments to discuss things with you.
Be prepared – Have your permission slips, information sheets, photo release forms and other documents and plans in place before telling youth and their parents about an event or program.
Build relationships – Spend time getting to know the parent(s) and address their concerns as often as is appropriate. Plan parent/youth outings so they can be involved occasionally, without feeling the need to be a constant presence.
Teach them your skills – Consider offering parent and teen communication programs that will help improve the communication between parents and youth. Sometimes you’ll have over-involved parents because they feel like they don’t know anything about what their youth is doing. By practicing some communication skills, they may feel more in touch with the emotions and actions of their teen, so will be better equipped to give their youth the independence they need.
Sign ’em up – If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em. Get over-involved parents signed up as volunteers. If they’re going to be there anyway, you might want to give them some volunteer training and have them support your programs. If their child doesn’t want them to be involved, you can propose they get involved in other groups, programs or projects that support your youth work but aren’t directly working with their own youth.

Using these dos and don’ts and trying out these tips, you can help over-involved parents become a more appropriately supportive parent and committed volunteer for your youth programs.

Question: How do you deal with over-involved parents? Let us know in the comments below.

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