Youth Workin' It

Consultancy and Resources for Youth Workers and Organizations Worldwide

What Is Pre-Teaching And Why Does It Matter?

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Pre-teaching techniquesQ: I’ve heard someone say that we should pre-teach to youth when they’re going to encounter tough situations. What is pre-teaching and why does it matter?

A: Put simply, pre-teaching is a way of setting young people up for success. Youth can often find themselves in situations that are alien to them or that can cause extreme pressure or stress. If they don’t know how to react appropriately, this can result in them saying or doing something that gets them into trouble.

Pre-teaching therefore helps youth identify the way that they should react, whether that relates to how to stay calm, things to say or whatever else might be deemed appropriate youth behavior, instead of them following their natural instincts.

It’s not possible to use pre-teach everything to young people, as you aren’t going to know every situation they’ll ever find themselves in. There are other times though where you can use pre-teaching to help ensure they don’t get into trouble or avoid getting into further trouble.

Here are some examples of situations where pre-teaching might help, along with suggestions on how to approach it with young people:

1) School Reports – If a young person knows that they’re due to get a bad school report, they might be concerned with how their parents will react. This fear can lead them to become defensive and argumentative when confronted by their parents.

One pre-teaching technique would be to discuss the reasons for the poor report with the young person. Have them identify ways in which they could improve on this the next time round and commit to making these changes, whether that’s through improved behavior in class, handing in their homework on time, etc.

That way, when they have the inevitable discussion with their parents, they can discuss with them how they’ve identified what they didn’t do properly and how they’re going to rectify that. This should help their parents be impressed by their self-reflection and maturity, improving the overall tone of the conversation.

2) Arguments – Perhaps one of your young people has a problem with managing their aggression, resulting in them becoming violent when getting into arguments.

In this situation, pre-teaching would involve working with them to help identify some alternative options they have to break the cycle of resorting to violence. One method is to use the Vicious Cycle aggression management technique. This gets them to look at the different stages of the situation and find ways to control their aggression, deciding when to walk away, etc.

3) Stealing – There are many different reasons why young people choose to steal, so we can’t assume that it’s simply down to greed. Sometimes it’s due to peer pressure, sometimes it’s an outward behavior of internal stress, while for some it’s simply a behavior they’ve learned from their parents.

Whatever the reason behind it, stealing is a behavior that can get young people into serious trouble, both now and later in life. This is therefore an area where pre-teaching can have a positive impact on their future.

One pre-teaching technique would to be run a youth work session on stealing. Here, you help the young people identify for themselves the reason(s) why they steal, how to avoid the temptation to steal, along with the natural and logical consequences of their actions if they don’t stop stealing.

 

These pre-teaching techniques are actually more like self-pre-teaching, as you’re guiding the young people into teaching themselves the best way to react to situations.

By having young people reflect on these situations for themselves, you’re helping them to internalize the actions they need to take, thereby increasing the likelihood that they’ll make good choices in the future.

 

There are other occasions in youth work where you might do more of the pre-teaching:

1) Youth Trips – If you’re planning a trip somewhere, it’s important to pre-teach to young people if you have any specific expectations. This pre-teaching could cover things like acceptable language and behavior, what time they should check back in if you’re splitting up into groups, safety advice, etc.

2) Behavior Policy – If you’re setting up a new youth work project, or even if you’re running an existing project, we recommend setting up a youth behavior policy. This sets expectations for your group and pre-teaches the young people as to what is and isn’t appropriate behavior.

3) Youth Worker Leaving – If you or another youth worker who is an important part of your group leaves, this can cause great upheaval for young people. Use pre-teaching to discuss how it’s OK for them to feel sad and to look at appropriate ways for them to react, instead of rebelling against the new youth worker.

Question: How do you use pre-teaching in your youth work? Share your thoughts on best practice in the comments below.

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Restoration And Forgiveness – Youth Work Session Plan Idea

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Restoration And Forgiveness Youth Work Session Plan Idea
Image courtesy of butupa, Flickr

In the past, we’ve provided youth work session plan ideas to help young people understand their anger and manage their aggression. One idea was to use the vicious circle as a method for exploring the cycle that anger can lead to.

Unforgiveness and vengeance, which can accompany anger, are two other choices that can be cyclical. They can eat away at someone and cause a chain reaction of events that lead to more heart ache and pain. When covering anger, it’s therefore a good opportunity to talk about hatred, bitterness, vengeance and unforgiveness, as these can be root causes of ongoing angry feelings and aggressive behavior.

Take some time to show this clip from the film The Interpreter. It didn’t come out yesterday, so there’s a good chance your youth won’t have seen it. After you watch the clip, take some time to answer the questions below in small groups. This activity can be stand alone, as part of a wider session about anger or aggression or can be a great introduction to a longer talk or sermon on the subject.

 

Discussion Questions:

  1. What does forgiveness mean to you?
  2. Is it important? Why or why not?
  3. What do you think about the method described in the clip for finding freedom from anger or hatred?
  4. Do you think it works as a principle for society? Should those that do wrong go unpunished? What ideas/solutions can you think of?
  5. Is there anyone you need to forgive? Do you want to forgive them and restore that relationship? Why or why not?
  6. What do you think of the quote below, in light of our discussion and the video clip? What does it mean? Do you think it’s true? Why or why not?

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” – Lewis B. Smedes

If you’ve found this idea helpful, you might also like our other youth work session plan ideas.

Question: How would you use this session plan idea with your youth? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

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Aggressive Parents – Youth Work Q & A

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Aggressive parents - youth workQ: I’m working with these aggressive parents who are just angry all the time. The way they speak and act towards me is getting worse. Is there anything I can do?

A: As with over-involved parents and unsupportive parents, there are probably a lot of factors influencing their behavior. You can’t really control how aggressive parents are going to act – you can only control how you respond. In this situation I recommend keeping them ‘on ICE‘.

Interact with them

Don’t ignore aggressive parents in the hope that they’ll magically disappear from your life. Try to meet with them and find out if their grievance is with you, your work, your organization, their youth or if it’s just other external factors that have nothing to do with you. If it’s within your realm of change, then make your best effort to accommodate reasonable requests by them.

You don’t have to bend to the every whim of aggressive parents. Listen with an open mind to any feedback they provide. Work to keep them focused on the issue at hand – try to avoid having them digress into unproductive griping. Repeat back to them what you’ve heard.

Give clear expectations about what you’re going to do with that information. Will you be talking with your supervisor? Reviewing the program? Taking it to your volunteers for their feedback? Whatever it is, be realistic and honest about what you plan to do.

If you plan to update them at a certain time in the future, make sure you set up a reminder to follow through with this. That will ensure that they don’t have another reason to be angry further down the line because you didn’t do something you said you’d do.

Calm

Keep calm and relaxed around aggressive parents. It can be really challenging, but speaking kindly can do a world of good when dealing with angry parents. Don’t be patronizing, but do relax your voice and body language when you’re around them.

Be aware that you might get wound up, so make choices that will improve the situation, particularly if they’re escalating. Take a step back. Ask for some time to process what they’re saying (this will give them time to calm down). Do something physical to use the adrenaline that’s pumping through your body, causing your own heart rate and blood pressure to rise.

Expect change

Anticipate a better relationship and do what you can to improve the dialogue between you and angry or aggressive parents. Often times we can be our own worst enemy. We think that a person is going to act a certain way or say something we don’t like. This can result in us being defensive from the outset. They interpret this as you being the angry one and respond in kind.

Instead, treat them with respect and professional courtesy every time that you see them. It may take a long time for your relationship to improve (keeping in mind that it may not change at all), but your attitude may at least help you cope with the relationship more effectively.

Many times we excuse a lot of behavior in a youth that we have no tolerance for with adults (I am soooo guilty of this). However, it’s worth remembering (Shae) that sometimes adults haven’t learned the skills they should have as a young person. That may be why you’re now working with their child – they can’t teach what they don’t know.

Be patient and act professionally with aggressive parents. Talk over frustrating conversations and situations with your workplace supervisor or line manager to find solutions that work for you.

Q: How do you deal with angry or aggressive parents? Please let us know in the comments below.

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Vicious Cycle Aggression Management Technique

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Vicious cycle aggression management techniqueLast week we briefly talked about the difference between ‘managing anger’ and ‘understanding anger but managing aggression’.

One activity you can use to help young people understand how they can make better choices when it comes to aggression management is the Vicious Circle.

Vicious Circle Activity

  1. Give each young person a large piece of paper and a marker
  2. Have them draw (or write words if they’re really uncomfortable drawing) a time where they were angry and what happened
  3. Have them draw the images in a circle on the paper, going through the steps of what happened (See Figure 1 from the downloadable example below, but remember to have them draw – it’s been written for ease of use)
  4. Once they’ve drawn their pictures, go over each story with them. Allow them to share what happened
  5. Then ask them to think about each stage. Have them try to identify where they could have stepped out of the cycle and changed how they reacted. Explore what the alternative outcomes might have been

You can download a free copy of what the Vicious Circle looks like here. This is a very basic example, but it really helps young people reflect when it’s their story and their experience.

The red outlined examples are the Vicious Circle, while the blue arrows and outline examples are how they might reflect on changes they could make to manage their aggression and step out of the circle.

Question: What aggression management technique do you use to help young people learn to manage their aggression? Share your ideas and best practice in the comments below.

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Understanding Anger – Youth Work Session Idea

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Understanding anger youthI don’t believe in anger management.

I don’t believe that anger is something that needs managing. Anger is a feeling and I believe everyone is entitled to feel any way they wish.

Aggression, however is something that can – and in many cases should – be managed. Aggression is the action that accompanies our feelings of anger.

I tell my young people they are welcome to be angry for as long as they like (even though it’s not always very productive), but I expect them to learn skills to help them manage their aggression.

This is always the first discussion I have with the youth in my programs during a session about Understanding Anger (and aggression management). We discuss what anger is, what aggression is and how we are to handle them.

Use the activity below as a jumping off point into a discussion to help youth understand anger.

Discussion Starting Activity – Understanding Anger:

  1. You need a flipchart or whiteboard (or large paper) and colored markers
  2. Ask the group what they think anger is. Use different colored pens and write down their answers
  3. Use one color for thoughts/emotions and another color for behaviors (don’t tell the group why you’re using different colors)
  4. Have the group identify what the difference is between the colors. Hopefully they’ll recognize that one color is for feelings/thoughts and one color is for behaviors.
  5. Use this as a starting point for your day and discussions about the different between anger and aggression.

Next week, we’ll have another activity you can use – the Vicious Cycle aggression management technique.

Question: How do you help young people with understanding angry? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

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