“Som tam kap. Ha prik? Kap. Kap kun kap”

After I’d said that, I should have guessed by the look on his face that I was going to regret it.

We were living in Thailand and had gone to get lunch in the food court at the shopping mall. I ordered som tam which is a spicy papaya salad and is quite possibly the tastiest thing I’ve ever eaten. This was my first time ordering it for myself though, so when he asked if I wanted five chillis in it, I said yes as I figured this was how I’d had it before. He gave me a look though that suggested it wasn’t the wisest choice.

He was correct.

It was the spiciest thing I’d ever tasted. I forget how much water I had to drink, but it probably would have been enough to fill the tank of our Smart car. I learned my lesson though, so from that moment on I always ordered it with just two chillis.

This got me thinking. How would I have reacted if I’d seen him only put one or two chillis in after I’d specifically said I wanted five? I probably would have told him to put the other chillis in to prove him wrong, even though he would have been trying to do his best to protect me (and more specifically, my tongue). Part of me would have wanted to be defiant in the face of someone stopping me from making a mistake.

Yet we often do the same thing with young people. We worry that they’re going to make a mistake, so we try to stop them. It’s done with the best intentions – we’re concerned that they’re going to get hurt, whether physically, emotionally or spiritually. This can make youth even more determined to do whatever it is you’re trying to stop.

Now, if something is going to cause severe harm to a young person, I’m not saying we should stand idly by and watch it happen. However, I think it’s important that we allow youth to make mistakes that we might otherwise want to prevent.

It’s mistakes that help young people realize what the best choices are (albeit after the event).

It’s mistakes that can lead to changes in youth behavior, rather than expecting them to do something just because.

It’s by providing the opportunity to make mistakes that the most growth can happen.

And sometimes we’re not even preventing mistakes – we’re squishing dreams.

Question: What do you think – should we try to prevent young people from making mistakes? Share your opinions in the comments below.

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