Managing Behavior - Youth Workin' It

How I Dealt With Youth Behavior Issues

May 7, 2013 By Shae Pepper 2 Comments

Last week I posed my own question that I needed an answer to:

Q: What do you do when you feel like you’ve tried everything with a group but the youth still have behavior issues? What suggestions do you have for my specific situation?

Thank you to everyone who offered advice and suggestions. They were all useful and valid suggestions and I appreciate you taking the time to interact and join in the discussion. I’d like to share the suggestions so that other youth workers in a similar situation can get more ideas from other experienced youth workers on the topic – because I know I’m not the only one with this problem sometimes.

Suggestion 1

A guest commenter who’s the wife of a youth pastor, a volunteer youth worker at her church and a social worker by education and experience suggested spending time with the leader of the group, maybe through tutoring or mentoring. The relational capital that’s developed through that one-to-one time can be key in the youth later being a leader and resulting in positive behaviors instead of negative ones.

Suggestion 2

Another suggestion came from a Twitter Follower who’s a writer, missionary and teacher with a passion for youth work overseas. He suggested that the group may need more ownership, something that we feel really strongly about here at Youth Workin’ It, but can also sometimes be challenging depending on the climate you’re working in. We agree with the commenter and it’s our assertion that as much ownership as you can provide to the youth should be given and it will inevitably improve youth behavior.

Suggestion 3

A few final suggestions came from Sam (The Teenage Whisperer), a youth justice worker whose work we love and respect immensely. She also regularly makes our youth work blog posts of the week list because she has a lot of great suggestions for working with youth. (Check out her site and subscribe to her blog – seriously, she’s great!)

Sam really emphasized the importance of individual work like our first commenter to help set the tone and work through possible emotional issues in a private setting. She also advised to be careful when trying so many approaches simply because you need something to work. It can cause youth, particularly vulnerable / at-risk youth to feel uncomfortable and / or unsafe emotionally.

Update

These were all excellent suggestions which is why I’ve included them here, so I don’t want any misunderstanding that I don’t think all of these ideas were fantastic simply because I didn’t use them, or have feedback regarding their use with this particular group.

It’s always so hard when you’re trying to describe what’s happening in a group, and I’ll be honest, I usually like to work things out on my own. I’m definitely very independent when it comes to my youth work practice and even offering it out for advice was a huge step in my professional development.

I’ve suggested individual work and meetings with the school since the beginning of our professional relationship, but unfortunately it’s just not possible at this time. There are definitely some home issues, race issues, ethnicity issues, authority issues and much more that I can see in the group and I’d love more time to work with the youth individually.

I would also love to give the youth more ownership and already give them as much as is possible within the group. However, the evidence-based curriculum I’m tasked with working through, as well as the school environment, are not conducive to the kind of youth participation I’d ideally like to see happening. I will say as well that the curriculum we’re using is great – I’ve suggested some of the approaches to other youth workers and it was very successful.

Finally, I definitely agree with the point about changing tactics. While I do try a lot of different things, I don’t believe that it has been unnerving to the group, but I will definitely keep monitoring it in case it is having a bigger impact than expected.

So… what did I do? My initial instinct with every group is team building, but because of the tight schedule and the curriculum, I didn’t do any on the first day as I usually do. Therefore I thought, it’s definitely time for some team building activities – particularly ones that cause them to work towards a common goal like the mat turn, barnyard animals and sharks in custard.

Challenge

Here’s the challenge with that – they’re mean to each other all the time. Even in P.E. when they’re on the same team, they hate on each other. How could I introduce an activity that was 100% guaranteed to cause strife, anger, tears, comments, bullying, etc.?

I’ve been working this whole time on trying to get them to self-regulate, self- problem solve and self-reflect. So what could I try that would help them self regulate AND mean that we could have some positive success at team building games?

The Answer!

The answer is the humble clothes pin.

I gave each young person three clothes pins – I also gave myself three. We pinned them on ourselves where ever we wanted. I explained that we would be playing some team building games and that in order to play, they had to keep at least one clothes pin. If they lost all of their clothes pins, they would have to sit out for the remainder of the session to do work.

The ways they could lose their clothes pins included verbal or non verbal communication that was blaming, threatening, name calling or exaggerating (the road blocks to bridge building that they’ve been learning about in the sessions.)

There was also a way to earn a clothes pin back through extraordinary examples of kindness and team work.

I was very strict. At first, several students lost a clothes pin. Even the youth who don’t ‘normally’ get in trouble (yeah, we had to avoid a few tears with those ones) lost a clothes pin or two. One youth who really struggles with his behavior, and more specifically his facial expressions, lost two of his three clothes pins in the first 10 minutes…

However… they all started to self-regulate their comments and provide positive encouragement. I praised and praised even the smallest examples of team work and patience.

They were all able to participate the whole time (which worked out well since the mat turn took 40 minutes!). They were rewarded with a communication and team building game that involves candy.

Result

Everyone had a great time – including me! We reflected as a group at the end and everyone agreed that the session was a huge success. I was careful to draw the connection between their improved communication and relationships, rather than just that it was a ‘fun game day.’

Several youth commented on how much they enjoyed having the clothes pins to help remind them about their actions and words. One even suggested that we cut back on the clothes pins next week down to two and then the final week to one so that everyone had to work harder and the entire group agreed! I will be providing extra clothes pins to those that will still need them though – everyone isn’t at the same place or learns at the same pace as we know.

As I was leaving, I encouraged them to keep using their strategies for solving conflicts and to pretend they still had their clothes pins on; to think through what they want to say and then think about whether or not Ms. Shae would take a clothes pin for such a comment.

I’ll see the group this week and am hoping that it’s been a positive week as they begin to learn how to work together as a team. Thanks again for your advice!

Question: Do you have any youth work questions or problems that you need answers or advice for? Let us know in the comments below or contact us here.

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How To Create A Youth Behavior Policy

May 9, 2012 By Shae Pepper Leave a Comment

Last week we discussed how to manage youth behavior and how a youth behavior policy can help with program administration. Creating a good behavior policy for your project is all about helping youth understand your expectations, acceptable and unacceptable behaviors and the consequences that will apply should the group agreement be broken.

Check out our guide below on how to create a youth behavior policy:

Set expectations from the start

This will create clear boundaries for youth to stay within. One way to do this is by having a written youth behavior policy that both young people and their parents review and sign. In our example provided at the end of this post, there is a space for both parent and youth signatures. When you create the group agreement, take the time to go over the youth behavior policy and make sure that all the young people involved in the project understand all parts of the policy.

Include positive expectations around participation. Outline exactly what is considered ‘participation’ within your project. Do youth just need to be present? Do they need to answer questions or participate in games? What does ‘participation’ look like for you?

Be specific when identifying both behaviors and consequences within the youth behavior policy

Let the youth know exactly what is going to happen should they break the team agreement. I’m a firm believer in being given an opportunity for a second chance. In my program administration, I work hard to provide clear boundaries and also opportunities for improvement, growth and change.

In the example youth behavior policy provided below, you will see there are reminders and warnings before action is taken in the case of most negative behaviors (with the exception of zero-tolerance behaviors which are also clearly outlined in the policy, along with their immediate consequence). I choose to give reminders and warnings for each specific type of negative behavior, rather than just having negative behavior accumulate rapidly resulting in a youth’s loss of attendance.

Below is an example of how this looks in practice; you might find it helpful to open the example document and read along in the ‘Behavior, Attitude and Consequences’ section.

For example, Jon has been swearing and I’ve given him a verbal reminder; he then calls someone a name. Rather than jumping to provide him with a verbal warning, I will provide him with a verbal reminder about that specific behavior. If he swears again, he will receive a warning for swearing. If he calls someone a name he will then receive a warning for name calling. He won’t receive vague threats about what might happen. I clearly remind him at every step what the next step will be. “Jon, I want to let you know that this is your final warning about swearing, if you swear again, you will receive a written warning and that will mean you won’t be able to attend the project next week, but you will be able to return the following week. Keep that in mind, ok?” Whatever the behavior is that results in Jon getting a written warning, it will be outlined in the letter provided to him and his parents. He won’t receive a vague letter about ‘negative behavior’ – it will clearly outline what he did incorrectly, what steps were taken before his written warning and the exact incident that resulted in him receiving the written warning.

A good youth behavior policy should enhance your youth work and program administration, not make it more challenging. It should help you be a more fair and consistent youth worker, while also providing clear boundaries for the youth on your programs.

Here is the example youth behavior policy referenced above. We hope that it provides a basis for creating your own behavior policy for your youth work.

Question: What items would you/do you include or exclude from your own youth behavior policy? We’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.

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How To Create A Group Agreement – Youth Work Session Plan Idea

May 3, 2012 By Shae Pepper Leave a Comment

If you want to know how to create a group agreement, this youth work session plan is for you! Creating a youth group agreement works best when you can effectively help young people make informed decisions.

Resources

Flipchart, large paper, white board, computer w/ projector or chalk board (depending on your resources available)
Markers, pens or chalk (depending on which item you choose as your first resource)

Steps to Creating a Group Agreement

Ask if any of the youth know what a group agreement or youth contract might be. Have them give their ideas and then explain that this is the governing document for youth behavior within the group. It will determine what sort of behavior is acceptable or unacceptable during group sessions.
Explain clearly to the group what you are looking for from their input. This will depend greatly on how much youth participation you or your organization is ready for. For example, do you only want them to give ideas on what is included in the group agreement? Do they get the final say on all items? Do you get to add some items (like zero-tolerance policy issues*) yourself that can’t be vetoed? Figure out what your ideal is and what the boundaries are and communicate that clearly to the group.
Have the youth create a list of ideas for what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior within the group.You can do this in a few ways using the resources listed above:
- They can create a list on their own and present it to you, or they could break into smaller groups and have them present their lists to each other
- Create a list together. You can list all the items suggested and then review them at the end, picking and choosing what should be included in the group agreement
- Facilitate a discussion. You can explore the pros and cons of each item as they’re suggested and only put ideas that are group consensus on the list. Review the list and make it a list of ‘YESs’ instead of ‘NOs’ to help keep group morale and participation positive
Make sure that when you set the expectations at the beginning, you mention if there are any ‘zero-tolerance issues’* that will automatically go on the list. However, still take the time to explore with the group why these might be good things to include and how they might benefit the youth.
Confirm all the items on the list with the group. Explore any remaining issues or concerns.
Have everyone within the group sign the agreement.
Hang it in your meeting room. If you move around or use a shared room, just take it down at the end of each session and hang it up at the beginning of each session. This is where having flipchart or other large paper can be really useful. If you only have access to a chalkboard or whiteboard, consider writing the list down or taking a picture of it, and then producing a large paper copy for the group to sign and display during sessions. If you only have a computer, print it off when you get a chance, have the group sign it and display it. Displaying the agreement is an important tool for managing youth behavior. It helps the youth remember what they agreed to and they can refer to it easily. They can also self-correct as a group when the agreement is accessible to everyone.

*A zero-tolerance policy means that if any of these items are brought to group, or if these actions happen during group, there is automatic exclusion from the group as a consequence.

You can get the forming stage of your youth group’s development off to the right start by coupling today’s youth work session plan idea with these other ideas – Hopes and Fears, Mat Turn, Human Knot and Ball Name Game – to create a good ‘getting to know you’ first session for any youth group.

If you’ve found this session plan helpful, you may like our other youth work session plans.

Question: Have you created a group agreement before? Do you have any steps you would add to this process? We’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.

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How To Manage Youth Behavior

May 2, 2012 By Shae Pepper Leave a Comment

How to manage behavior in your youth group — Make sure there’s nothing foggy about your behavior management

Knowing how to manage youth behavior in your youth group is an important part of program administration. A group agreement outlines the expectations for the group and helps you manage youth behavior within the program (see yesterday’s post for more information on what a group agreement is).

Enforcing a group agreement usually happens within the group itself. The youth help create the expectations for the group and you help create the expectations for enforcement. When creating the group agreement, ensure the youth know that they’re responsible for helping each other follow it.

Unfortunately, positive peer pressure isn’t always enough. If you consistently have one or more young people who are struggling to follow the expectations of the group as set out by the group agreement, as the program leader you may need to have other ways to manage youth behavior. While each youth is different and therefore the exact particulars of their behavior management may be different, it’s important that youth know the overall boundaries and basic processes you’ll use when correcting unacceptable behavior.

Creating a behavior policy is an important step to manage youth behavior that often gets forgotten in youth work program administration. This can be particularly true within youth ministry and other faith-based programming, where the emphasis in interactions often focuses on giving second chances, forgiveness, grace and mercy.

That’s not meant as a criticism for those programs – those are important parts to any good youth work, not just faith-based programs. Sometimes for the safety, enjoyment and progress of the rest of the group though, there needs to be a clear understanding of ‘how far is too far’ and what will happen as a result of their actions.

A youth behavior policy should be based on your organization’s wider policies and procedures. Some programs may not allow smoking of any kind, so you should include that as a zero-tolerance item on your group agreement. Within your youth behavior policy, you’d then identify what happens when zero-tolerance behaviors occur and what the consequences will be.

Using a behavior policy as part of your program administration doesn’t have to be this oppressive, draconian thing that encourages youth to fear you. Transparency in the process of managing youth behavior, with both the group agreement and your program’s behavior policy, is the key to creating boundaries without fear or resentment.

Here are three things to remember when using a youth behavior policy and how transparency in the process will help your program administration:

Write it down – Everyone has a bad day. And when the same youth does the same thing for the 15th time, it can be easy to give a consequence that is disproportionate to the unacceptable behavior. By writing the policy down, it will help keep you on track – even on rough days – and provides security within the group by facilitating trust. They will understand that you won’t create new expectations on a whim, that you will do what you say you’re going to do and they will be be able to see it because it’s there in black and white.
Get signatures – Have both the youth AND their parents sign that they have read and understand the youth behavior policy at the start of the program. You can provide a copy of your written policy for them to keep when you give them their permission slips or entry forms for participation. Make sure that everyone has a good chance of understanding your policy by using appropriate language and phrasing. By getting signatures, you create accountability within the group. They won’t be able to say ‘I didn’t know that’ or ‘You never said that’. This helps make sure everyone is on the same page from the start.
Follow It – There’s no point in writing down a policy and getting everyone to agree to it if you don’t follow what it says. As I mentioned earlier, their uniqueness means you’ll sometimes need different methods for helping to manage youth behavior during the session. Following your policy creates fairness within the group. By following your policy fairly and consistently, you’ll help your youth see that you don’t play favorites or discriminate. Everyone recieves the same treatment.

Tomorrow, we’ll be providing a youth work session plan idea on how to create a group agreement with your youth. Next Wednesday, we’ll provide a guide on how to create a youth behavior policy and provide you with an example policy.

Question: What do you think about creating a behavior policy for your youth program? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

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