Q: How do I talk to new youth or ones who don’t seem to want to talk to anyone?
A: Sometimes they’re new, sometimes they’re hard to reach, there might be cultural differences, language differences, racial differences, gender differences or the most obvious, an age difference. Or, they may just not be happy about being in your program.
Generally speaking though, I’ve found the world over that youth just want a genuine person who actually cares about them in their lives. Next time you have a new or hard to reach youth and you’re feeling nervous try these three ideas:
1) Turn it back to them
Sometimes a youth is nervous or unhappy about being in your program and can come across shy or even hostile. Whatever they say, just go with it.
I walked into a room one time to meet a new youth and she wouldn’t look at me. She sat with her back entirely to me. I came in, greeted her and sat next to her, turning my body, with open body language to her. When I had the chance, I asked what school was like – she replied ‘boring.’ I didn’t let this distract me; I simply turned and said, ‘Health class was always really boring for me, what class is the least boring if you had to pick one?’ She replied, ‘Science I guess’.
But from there I had an in – we talked about Science which led to talking about all sorts of likes and dislikes, things she found boring or not. By the end of the meeting she was facing me, smiling and talking easily.
2) Start with ‘Would You Rather’
You can get it as a book, a card game or a board game. I’ve used this on many a minibus journey to get to know youth and get them talking. It may be harder to try if there’s a language barrier, but you could take initiative and come up with picture cards or try getting some translation help with some of the questions. Tread carefully with Google Translate and other translation software or you might be asking their ‘pie to chicken run for himself’.
3) Ask about their interests
School is an easy starting point but many young people don’t like school (see story above!), so start with things they like to do with their free time. However, try to know your general pop/youth culture so you can speak intelligently about it. If you think Eminem melts in your mouth and not in your hand, you might want to brush up a bit.
The key is to be genuine. Youth have a built in BS-radar when it comes to adults. They know those that really care, even if they’re a bit out of date, unusual or lame, and they’ll be drawn to you over a ‘cool’ adult who ultimately doesn’t want a real relationship with them. Even if they don’t love everything about you, they will respect that you care and it will matter to them.
Question: How do you get to know new or hard to reach youth in your programs? Let us know in the comments below.
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